Exoplanets agree to turn off lights, act like nobody’s home

NASA—Astronomers have found seven Earth-sized planets that they hope will reveal life beyond our globe.  Area inhabitants are not amused.

“Oh, for Zasafron’s sake!” said TRAPPIST-1e alien Muhammad, choosing to use a name Earthlings would be able to comprehend.  “Back in May, those pesky astronomers were sniffing around.  We thought they’d given up, but they seem to be back with a vengeance.  They really put the gravity in my day.”

The discovery has led to a lot of excitement in the scientific community. Lead study author Michael Gillon elaborated on the work. “The hope is to find alternative habitable terrain.  Next step is measuring gases to assess whether any of the planets can sustain life.”

“I hear your species is keen on taking land that doesn’t belong to them,” Muhammad told this reporter.  “I guess we’ll just have to play dead until they lose interest.”

Muhammad confirmed two of the seven planets orbiting dwarf star TRAPPIST-1 support life, but declined to reveal the other planet’s identity.  “We’re not really on speaking terms.  But I suppose now we’ll have to work together to discourage any further research in the area.”

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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