Boob Tube Barrage

There’s a new phenomenon in home entertainment, and it’s adversely affecting Canada’s television viewing population.  Known as Missed Show Anxiety (MSA), it’s collapsing leisure time and putting countless people on edge.

“I’ve always enjoyed regular cable television,” said welder Jim Vice, “but ever since premium cable stepped up their game, I’ve been overwhelmed.  There aren’t enough hours in the day to fulfill the societal demands of watching all this quality programming!”

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King for a Day

TORONTO—A replica of the Iron Throne, from the popular HBO series Game of Thrones, came to CTV Agincourt this week and half the building lost its shit.

Promo producer Jeff Penn made the initial discovery.  “I was walking through the Annex and happened to look in on the set of Off the Record. There it was!  Just sitting in the dark! I ran back to the office and sent an email to fellow GOT enthusiasts.”  

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Experts worry Kevin O’Leary may have brain damage

Experts fear millionaire businessman and Dragon’s Den investor Kevin O’Leary may be suffering from brain damage, after he told the audience of CBC’s “The Lang and O’Leary Exchange” that he believes 3.5 billion people living in poverty is “fantastic news” and that it will motivate people to work hard.

When asked recently how he feels about 85 people owning the majority of the world’s wealth, O’Leary announced proudly “[sic]…It’s a celebratory stat. I’m very excited about it. I’m wonderful to see it happen”.

Some experts believe his ego has actually become so large it’s created an epigenetic effect resulting in abnormal brain development, causing poor grammar, a complete lack of empathy and the inability to think logically.

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