Dearest Maple Street Neighbours,
I think it’s time to write you all a letter explaining my current research project. I’d wanted to surprise you with the final results but, judging by the restraining orders, I guess some of you have gotten the wrong idea.
You see, Mrs. Dykstra, I’m not “lurking outside” your window, nor am I, Mr. Tremblay, “regularly peeping” into your home. Mr. and Mrs. Schneider, let me assure you once again that I have no interest in what you do when the kids stay overnight at their grandparents’ house.