The Art of The Deal – Jonathan Pie
The Great Negotiator sells out Ukraine – and the UK’s favourite grifter is behind him every step of the way.
The Donald Hires Collections Agency to Pursue Mexico’s Border Wall Payment
WASHINGTON — Once and future President Donald Drumpf, never one to abandon a campaign promise, has taken an unconventional step to secure funding for his long-touted border wall: hiring a…
Affairs at Religious-Owned Hotels 40% More Satisfying, Peer-Reviewed Journal Finds
A groundbreaking new study published in the highly respected peer-reviewed journal Moral Paradoxes Quarterly has revealed an unexpected twist in the hospitality industry: affairs conducted at overtly religious-owned hotels are…
Discount Senior Retirement Home Chain Targets People Who Didn’t Love Their Parents Very Much
TORONTO — Yes, Toronto. In a move that has raised eyebrows and lowered expectations, a new franchise of discount senior retirement homes, aptly named “Forget-Me-Not Homes,” has launched with a…
Man Publishes Coffee Table Book Illustrating His Dishwasher Loading Technique
TIMMINS, Ontario — In a small but proud moment for the local literary scene, Timmins resident Brian Patterson has published a coffee table book that has garnered both curiosity and…
Scientists Observe Antivax Trend as Darwinism in Action
ATLANTA — In a groundbreaking study that has both amused and alarmed the scientific community, researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have concluded that the antivax…
Blue’s Clues Booze Cruise Sinking Childhood Memories
MIAMI — Parents across the nation are reeling this week after news broke that Steve Burns, the beloved former host of the children’s television show “Blue’s Clues,” has launched a…
Galen Weston Embraces Criticism, Unveils New Product Lines
TORONTO — In an announcement today, Loblaws president Galen Weston has decided to embrace the growing criticism and public mockery of his company by launching a new line of products…
Netanyahu’s ‘No Innocents Left Behind’ Strategy Draws Global Outrage
JERUSALEM — In a spectacular display of modern warfare, Crime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has once again demonstrated his unwavering commitment to eradicating Hamas—regardless of the cost. The recent Israeli air…
Perfect Suit Undermined by Questionable Shoe Choice
OTTAWA — A local man’s attempt at sartorial excellence took an unexpected turn this week when his impeccable suit was egregiously undermined by a pair of hideous shoes, according to…