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Author: Contributor

Frosty the Snowman canonized by Catholic Church

December 29, 2018Contributor Leave a Comment

VATICAN CITY—Frosty the Snowman is a fairy tale they say, but don’t tell that to the Roman Catholic Church. After decades of debate, the famed jolly, happy soul is not only accepted as canonical, but was officially declared divine by… Continue Reading →

Holidays, Religion, Weather

Neighbouring Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson

December 14, 2018Contributor Leave a Comment

SPACE – The Whirlpool Galaxy (Messier 51a), a gravitationally bound system of billions of stars located approximately 15-35 million light-years from Earth, has filed a restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson. Tyson, an astrophysicist and science educator, has been embroiled in controversy… Continue Reading →

Crime, Science, Sex

Louis CK embarks on highly-anticipated return to exhibitionist masturbation

November 5, 2018Contributor Leave a Comment

Louis C.K. made a tentative return to masturbating in front of junior staff last night—asking some unknown comediennes to watch him masturbate in front of them at a small New York comedy club. The comedian, who stepped out of the… Continue Reading →

Sex

F**k a duck? Don’t mind if I do…

March 21, 2017Contributor Leave a Comment

WE-SWEAR-WE-ARE-NOT-MAKING-THIS-UP DEPT. Photo: Mohd Fahmi Mohd Azmi, flickr A man was detained in Bursa province in Turkey’s Marmara region for allegedly raping a duck, daily Habertürk reported. Police forces detained the man following complaints from his inlaws, who claimed he… Continue Reading →

Crime, Life, Sex, True Story, World

Chuck Berry dead at 90

March 20, 2017Contributor Leave a Comment

WAY DOWN IN LOUISIANA, Close to New Orleans—Mooseclean’s is shocked and saddened (and also sick and tired of starting articles with those five words) to learn that Chuck Berry has died. He was 90. Berry invented rock and roll, making the… Continue Reading →

Death, Entertainment, Music

Fake News No Longer Funny

June 3, 2016Contributor Leave a Comment

OTTAWA—Writers of parody news were saddened to learn this week that merely writing their stories in the clipped, authoritative style of the Associated Press does not make them funny.

Contributed, Media

Indigenous People’s Day celebrations marred by Smallpox deaths

October 15, 2014Contributor Leave a Comment

BERKLEY, California—An event marking Indigenous People’s Day ended in tragedy after twenty-three people were infected with smallpox, killing at least five.

Continue Reading →

Contributed, Culture, World

Quebec abandons sovereignty bid indefinitely

November 12, 2013Contributor Leave a Comment

QUEBEC CITY—In an astounding turn of events today, the province of Quebec has formally announced that they are deferring their bid for sovereignty indefinitely amid concerns about increasing projected costs.

Continue Reading →

Canada, Contributed, Politics, Quebec

Ireland to legalize drunk driving

October 30, 2013Contributor Leave a Comment

DUBLIN, Ireland—In a not particularly surprising move today, the government of Ireland has announced that it is considering legalizing moderately drunk driving for rural residents.

Continue Reading →

Contributed, Crime, Culture, Health, Life, World
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