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Author: Sebastian Panache

Embarrassment cited as cause of death in Robert Trump Death

August 16, 2020Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

He was known as the ‘younger’ Trump, the ‘quieter’ Trump, the ‘actually-not-an-asshole’ Trump, and the ‘surpisingly-not-bat-fucking-insane’ Trump. He was a patient supporter and eloquent defender of his elder brother, and in the end was able to accomplish a feat than… Continue Reading →

Panache, Politics, US Politics

Miserable Bastard, Scheming Bitch, Daft Prick Among Plane Crash Casualties

March 12, 2019Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

In perusing the accolades for victims of airline tragedy, its easy to wonder why it inordinately claims only the best and brightest of our society: scholars, pacifists, humanitarians, mediators, scientists, animal lovers, volunteers, mentors, and cruciverbalists. It’s with a sense… Continue Reading →

Death, Feelgood, Travel

finklebottom

January 27, 2019Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment
finklebottom

Convicted sadist makes good on city plow crew

January 23, 2019Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

IAN WAS HERE: Clean streets make for happy citizens. LOCAL—Ian Cooper was recently honoured as Employee of the Month by his managers at the city’s municipal road management division, but the future didn’t always look so bright. Cooper, 32, was… Continue Reading →

Feelgood, Government, Local, Panache, Weather

Lisa MacLeod and the Tao of Crüe

January 18, 2019Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Nepean MPP and Ontario Cabinet Minister Lisa MacLeod flaunted the depth of her philosophical acumen in a swipe at former Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne: While this could easily be written off as a feeble taunt, her invocation of 1990 glam… Continue Reading →

Canada, Music, Opinion, Politics, Sex

Kardashian family tree discovered

December 3, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now, after an exhaustive search spanning over ten years and many thousands… Continue Reading →

Culture, Entertainment, Music, Panache, Sex

Cypress Hill changes name to Sigh

November 19, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

SOUTH GATE, CALIFORNIA—On the heels of Kanye West’s recent name change to “Ye”, American hip-hop band Cypress Hill has now followed suit and changed its name to “Sigh”. Critics allege that since Cypress is also considered a nu-metal band, this might… Continue Reading →

Music, Panache

Voters Re-elect Candidate for Umpteenth Term for Lack of Compelling Reason Not To

September 3, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

It is often said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. South-end residents have done just that, electing Diana Dietrich to a seventh term as city councillor. While… Continue Reading →

Local, Panache, Politics

Responsible Toilet Paper Consumption Tied to Independent Living

August 19, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Parents across Canada can agree that even after successful toilet training, the struggle continues with their children. “I stopped buying triple-ply years ago,” Alice Wells of Charlottetown, NS, lamented. “I mean, what’s the point? Even with the added thickness, a… Continue Reading →

Life, Money, Panache, Parenting

Men reminded to plan now for post-holiday estrangement

December 25, 2017Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Photo: Wonderlane (CC BY 2.0) It’s that time of year again: a time of warmth and togetherness and giving and good cheer—or so the media would have you believe. But for those of us living in reality, we know it’s… Continue Reading →

Finance, Holidays, Life, Panache

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