FOX News Accidentally Releases Fair and Balanced Reporting
NEW YORK — FOX News, the renowned bastion of conservative viewpoints, unintentionally met their “fair and balance” reporting standard after what insiders are calling a “clerical error” left the network’s…
Shakespeare Descendant Kicks Oxford Press CEO Over Dictionary’s Trendy Words
OXFORD, England — In an unexpected and theatrical twist befitting the Bard himself, a direct descendant of William Shakespeare has made headlines by physically confronting the CEO of Oxford University…
Baby’s Dramatic Baptismal Meltdown Stuns Churchgoers
TRURO, Nova Scotia (AP) — The tranquil town of Truro was thrown into disarray last Sunday when baby Olivia Thompson, just six months old, staged a dramatic protest during her…
Man Publishes Coffee Table Book Illustrating His Dishwasher Loading Technique
TIMMINS, Ontario — In a small but proud moment for the local literary scene, Timmins resident Brian Patterson has published a coffee table book that has garnered both curiosity and…
Andrew Ridgeley’s “Legacy of Wham!” Tour Reminds Us He Was There, Too
WADEBRIDGE, CORNWALL, ENGLAND — Andrew Ridgeley, the often overlooked half of the iconic 1980s pop duo Wham!, is hitting the road solo in a bold bid to remind the world…
Untaxed Cigarettes Pose Significant Health Risk, Government Warns
OTTAWA — In a recent announcement that has left the public gasping for breath, the Government of Canada has issued a dire warning about the dangers of untaxed cigarettes. According…
Stalled Escalators Entrap Thousands Each Year
EDMONTON — In what some are calling a “national crisis in vertical mobility,” a new study has found that stalled escalators causes thousands of unsuspecting citizens each year to remain…
Scientists Observe Antivax Trend as Darwinism in Action
ATLANTA — In a groundbreaking study that has both amused and alarmed the scientific community, researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have concluded that the antivax…
Trump Retains Hearing, Loses Ability to Listen Following Failed Assassination
Former President Donald Trump has reportedly completely lost the ability to listen after a botched attempt on his life left him with a grazed ear. However, insiders claim that the…
Toronto Mayor Introduces Sidewalk Fast Lanes to Accommodate Impatient Pedestrians
TORONTO — In a bold move to address the growing impatience of urban pedestrians, the Mayor of Toronto, Olivia Chow, has announced the introduction of “fast lanes” on city sidewalks.…