Stalled Escalators Entrap Thousands Each Year
EDMONTON — In what some are calling a “national crisis in vertical mobility,” a new study has found that stalled escalators causes thousands of unsuspecting citizens each year to remain…
Scientists Observe Antivax Trend as Darwinism in Action
ATLANTA — In a groundbreaking study that has both amused and alarmed the scientific community, researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have concluded that the antivax…
Trump Retains Hearing, Loses Ability to Listen Following Failed Assassination
Former President Donald Trump has reportedly completely lost the ability to listen after a botched attempt on his life left him with a grazed ear. However, insiders claim that the…
Toronto Mayor Introduces Sidewalk Fast Lanes to Accommodate Impatient Pedestrians
TORONTO — In a bold move to address the growing impatience of urban pedestrians, the Mayor of Toronto, Olivia Chow, has announced the introduction of “fast lanes” on city sidewalks.…