MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — In a move that has left privacy advocates and tech industry insiders stunned, Keith Enright, Google’s Chief Privacy Officer of over 13 years, announced his resignation effective this fall. Even more shocking, Google has revealed that it has no plans to refill his position, signaling an apparent abandonment of its long-standing pretense of caring about user privacy.

“Keith has been an invaluable part of our team,” said Sundar Pichai, CEO of Alphabet Inc., Google’s parent company, in a prepared statement. “His departure marks the end of an era, but it also provides us with an opportunity to align our strategies with the realities of our business model.”

The announcement comes at a time when tech giants are under increasing scrutiny for their handling of user data. However, Google appears to be taking a different route by dropping the facade entirely. “Privacy is overrated,” joked Andrew Collier, Google’s VP of Marketing. “We’ve decided to focus on what really matters: data collection and ad revenue.”

Critics argue that this move is a blatant admission of what many have long suspected: that Google’s commitment to privacy was always more about optics than substance. “It’s refreshing to see a company be honest about its priorities for once,” said Jenna Roberts, a digital rights advocate. “But it’s also deeply troubling.”

Google’s decision has sparked a flurry of reactions on social media. “Finally, Google admits it! ” tooted @TechTruth123 on Mastodon. Others, however, are less amused. “This is a dark day for internet users everywhere,” posted @CanadianPrivacy.

In a hastily organized press conference, Enright expressed mixed feelings about his departure. “I’ve dedicated over a decade to navigating the complex waters of user privacy in a data-driven world,” he said. “But let’s be honest, it’s always been an uphill battle. At least now, Google’s mission is crystal clear.”

Despite the outcry, Google executives are defending their new direction. “We believe in transparency,” said Maria Gonzalez, Google’s Chief Operations Officer. “By not having a Chief Privacy Officer, we’re making a bold statement about our priorities. Our users know what they’re signing up for.”

Industry experts are divided on the implications of this shift. “This could either be a masterstroke of corporate candor or a catastrophic misstep,” said Paul Thompson, a tech analyst with Silicon Valley Insights. “Only time will tell if users are willing to accept this level of openness about their data being exploited.”

Meanwhile, other tech companies are watching closely. “It’s a risky move, but it might pay off,” said Rachel Lin, Privacy Director at Apple. “We’re curious to see how the market reacts.”

As Google forges ahead without a privacy chief, it remains to be seen how this will impact its relationship with users and regulators. For now, one thing is certain: the era of pretense is over at Google, and the company is unapologetically embracing its role as a data-hungry behemoth.

In a parting shot, Enright quipped, “Maybe now I can finally get off the grid.”

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. You can follow him on Twitter @SebPanache, except he quit posting there after Elon bought it. Search for Mooseclean's on Mastodon instead.

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