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Panache

Stories written by Sebastian Panache
Editor-in-Chief

Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache

Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

Embarrassment cited as cause of death in Robert Trump Death

August 16, 2020Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

He was known as the ‘younger’ Trump, the ‘quieter’ Trump, the ‘actually-not-an-asshole’ Trump, and the ‘surpisingly-not-bat-fucking-insane’ Trump. He was a patient supporter and eloquent defender of his elder brother, and in the end was able to accomplish a feat than… Continue Reading →

Panache, Politics, US Politics

Convicted sadist makes good on city plow crew

January 23, 2019Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

IAN WAS HERE: Clean streets make for happy citizens. LOCAL—Ian Cooper was recently honoured as Employee of the Month by his managers at the city’s municipal road management division, but the future didn’t always look so bright. Cooper, 32, was… Continue Reading →

Feelgood, Government, Local, Panache, Weather

Kardashian family tree discovered

December 3, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now, after an exhaustive search spanning over ten years and many thousands… Continue Reading →

Culture, Entertainment, Music, Panache, Sex

Cypress Hill changes name to Sigh

November 19, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

SOUTH GATE, CALIFORNIA—On the heels of Kanye West’s recent name change to “Ye”, American hip-hop band Cypress Hill has now followed suit and changed its name to “Sigh”. Critics allege that since Cypress is also considered a nu-metal band, this might… Continue Reading →

Music, Panache

Voters Re-elect Candidate for Umpteenth Term for Lack of Compelling Reason Not To

September 3, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

It is often said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. South-end residents have done just that, electing Diana Dietrich to a seventh term as city councillor. While… Continue Reading →

Local, Panache, Politics

Responsible Toilet Paper Consumption Tied to Independent Living

August 19, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Parents across Canada can agree that even after successful toilet training, the struggle continues with their children. “I stopped buying triple-ply years ago,” Alice Wells of Charlottetown, NS, lamented. “I mean, what’s the point? Even with the added thickness, a… Continue Reading →

Life, Money, Panache, Parenting

Men reminded to plan now for post-holiday estrangement

December 25, 2017Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Photo: Wonderlane (CC BY 2.0) It’s that time of year again: a time of warmth and togetherness and giving and good cheer—or so the media would have you believe. But for those of us living in reality, we know it’s… Continue Reading →

Finance, Holidays, Life, Panache

The Night After Christmas

December 18, 2017Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

illustration by J Craig Melia

‘Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house
Was an orgy of presents, worth more than… the house;
The Xbox was stuffed up the chimney with care,
For fear that the repo-man soon would be there;

Continue Reading →

Books, Holidays, Panache

Quebec outlaws beards and balaclavas

October 21, 2017Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

“I really don’t think they’ve thought it through,” Danielle Boulware said, referring to the Quebec National Assembly’s passage of Bill 62. The Ottawa paralegal has been looking carefully into the implications of the law, which will require anyone using public services to uncover their… Continue Reading →

Law, Life, Panache

SpongeBob more newsworthy than ex-Prime Minister

July 14, 2017Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

It’s a sign of changing times when you’re the former Prime Minister of Canada, and you’re less popular in the news than the creator of a talking sponge. Despite his recent public criticism of the Liberal government that replaced him—because… Continue Reading →

Opinion, Panache, Politics

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