Stories written by Sebastian Panache
Editor-in-Chief
Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache
Or don’t. It’s okay, really.
He was known as the ‘younger’ Trump, the ‘quieter’ Trump, the ‘actually-not-an-asshole’ Trump, and the ‘surpisingly-not-bat-fucking-insane’ Trump. He was a patient supporter and eloquent defender of his elder brother, and in the end was able to accomplish a feat than… Continue Reading
IAN WAS HERE: Clean streets make for happy citizens. LOCAL—Ian Cooper was recently honoured as Employee of the Month by his managers at the city’s municipal road management division, but the future didn’t always look so bright. Cooper, 32, was… Continue Reading
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now, after an exhaustive search spanning over ten years and many thousands… Continue Reading
SOUTH GATE, CALIFORNIA—On the heels of Kanye West’s recent name change to “Ye”, American hip-hop band Cypress Hill has now followed suit and changed its name to “Sigh”. Critics allege that since Cypress is also considered a nu-metal band, this might… Continue Reading
It is often said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. South-end residents have done just that, electing Diana Dietrich to a seventh term as city councillor. While… Continue Reading
Parents across Canada can agree that even after successful toilet training, the struggle continues with their children. “I stopped buying triple-ply years ago,” Alice Wells of Charlottetown, NS, lamented. “I mean, what’s the point? Even with the added thickness, a… Continue Reading
Photo: Wonderlane (CC BY 2.0) It’s that time of year again: a time of warmth and togetherness and giving and good cheer—or so the media would have you believe. But for those of us living in reality, we know it’s… Continue Reading
‘Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house
Was an orgy of presents, worth more than… the house;
The Xbox was stuffed up the chimney with care,
For fear that the repo-man soon would be there;
“I really don’t think they’ve thought it through,” Danielle Boulware said, referring to the Quebec National Assembly’s passage of Bill 62. The Ottawa paralegal has been looking carefully into the implications of the law, which will require anyone using public services to uncover their… Continue Reading
It’s a sign of changing times when you’re the former Prime Minister of Canada, and you’re less popular in the news than the creator of a talking sponge. Despite his recent public criticism of the Liberal government that replaced him—because… Continue Reading
