Stories written by Sebastian Panache
Editor-in-Chief
Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache
Or don’t. It’s okay, really.
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now, after an exhaustive search spanning over ten years and many thousands… Continue Reading
SOUTH GATE, CALIFORNIA—On the heels of Kanye West’s recent name change to “Ye”, American hip-hop band Cypress Hill has now followed suit and changed its name to “Sigh”. Critics allege that since Cypress is also considered a nu-metal band, this might… Continue Reading
It is often said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. South-end residents have done just that, electing Diana Dietrich to a seventh term as city councillor. While… Continue Reading
Parents across Canada can agree that even after successful toilet training, the struggle continues with their children. “I stopped buying triple-ply years ago,” Alice Wells of Charlottetown, NS, lamented. “I mean, what’s the point? Even with the added thickness, a… Continue Reading
Photo: Wonderlane (CC BY 2.0) It’s that time of year again: a time of warmth and togetherness and giving and good cheer—or so the media would have you believe. But for those of us living in reality, we know it’s… Continue Reading
‘Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house
Was an orgy of presents, worth more than… the house;
The Xbox was stuffed up the chimney with care,
For fear that the repo-man soon would be there;
“I really don’t think they’ve thought it through,” Danielle Boulware said, referring to the Quebec National Assembly’s passage of Bill 62. The Ottawa paralegal has been looking carefully into the implications of the law, which will require anyone using public services to uncover their… Continue Reading
It’s a sign of changing times when you’re the former Prime Minister of Canada, and you’re less popular in the news than the creator of a talking sponge. Despite his recent public criticism of the Liberal government that replaced him—because… Continue Reading
An Ontario resident is among several others across Canada today who were upset to learn that Microsoft is ending support of the Windows Phone. While it has been over three years since the last software update, Bradley Schneider of Gloucester… Continue Reading
An area cat who observed a steady decline in affection since aging out of the “cute kitten” phase recently embarked on an innovative new strategy: trying to assume the appearance of his owner’s new love interest—beer. While clearly thicker than… Continue Reading
