NANAIMO, B.C.—A Roto-Rooter truck sits on the curb outside Dave Cosburn’s house.  Inside, Cosburn faces a hairy situation.

“I put up with this bullshit for four years before finally calling it quits.  But she found a way to torture me even after she left.”  Cosburn stared angrily at the wad of honey blonde hair drain expert Brad Smalls had pulled from the basement pipes.

When Cosburn first met ex-girlfriend Jennifer Sandsmith, her hair was one of the things he loved most about her.  “She had this incredible waterfall of cascading curls.  The sexiest hair I’d ever seen.  Jennifer would complain about how hot it was in the summer and how hard it was to manage, but I begged her not to cut it.”

When Sandsmith moved into Cosburn’s bungalo, the waterfall became a tsunami.  “The hair was everywhere!  On the pillowcases, in our food. The bathroom was an absolute horror show.”

As the relationship disintegrated, Sandsmith’s hair became her weapon.  “She would sit on the couch and brush her hair; really working it until she had a handful of the loose stuff.  Then she’d set the disgusting hairball on the coffee table and walk away.”

As the truck left, Cosburn stared out the window.  “I guess she got the last laugh,” he conceded, running a hand over his thinning pate.

At press time, Sandsmith was shedding in a new boyfriend’s apartment across town.

By Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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