Baby’s Dramatic Baptismal Meltdown Stuns Churchgoers
TRURO, Nova Scotia (AP) — The tranquil town of Truro was thrown into disarray last Sunday when baby Olivia Thompson, just six months old, staged a dramatic protest during her…
Man Publishes Coffee Table Book Illustrating His Dishwasher Loading Technique
TIMMINS, Ontario — In a small but proud moment for the local literary scene, Timmins resident Brian Patterson has published a coffee table book that has garnered both curiosity and…
Stalled Escalators Entrap Thousands Each Year
EDMONTON — In what some are calling a “national crisis in vertical mobility,” a new study has found that stalled escalators causes thousands of unsuspecting citizens each year to remain…
Toronto Mayor Introduces Sidewalk Fast Lanes to Accommodate Impatient Pedestrians
TORONTO — In a bold move to address the growing impatience of urban pedestrians, the Mayor of Toronto, Olivia Chow, has announced the introduction of “fast lanes” on city sidewalks.…
Scientists’ “Mating for Life” Experiment Ends in Divorce
WINNIPEG — In a twist of fate that has left the scientific community reeling, Doctors Emily and Jonathan Parker, renowned for their groundbreaking research on lifelong pair bonding, have announced…
Living with Parents New Pandemic Low
TORONTO—Katie Hampton has moved back in with her parents. “I’m selling my condo and I have to be out of the space during the viewings,” said Hampton. “I’m hoping it…
Responsible Toilet Paper Consumption Tied to Independent Living
Parents across Canada can agree that even after successful toilet training, the struggle continues with their children. “I stopped buying triple-ply years ago,” Alice Wells of Charlottetown, NS, lamented. “I…
Toddler Speaks Truth to Power
“No! Broccoli is yucky!” declared two-and-a-half year old Macy Arnold on Wednesday. Crossing her arms, she refused to eat the vegetable and sat in her highchair defiantly. “She used to…
Starbucks to Rename Blonde Vanilla Latte Ahead of Racial Bias Training
Starbucks will close more than eight thousand US stores Sunday afternoon for anti-bias training. This forum is in response to the incident in Philadelphia that saw two black men arrested…
Men reminded to plan now for post-holiday estrangement
It’s that time of year again: a time of warmth and togetherness and giving and good cheer—or so the media would have you believe. But for those of us living…