WORLD—This coming Sunday, two important events will take place simultaneously: Easter and April Fools’ Day. God said he plans to honour the coincidence with a legendary joke. “When I realized that Easter Sunday would fall on April Fools’ for the… Continue Reading
MARKHAM, ONTARIO—Doug Ford is the new leader of the Ontario PC Party. The Devil has claimed responsibility. The election announcement was delayed more than seven hours after disputes with ballots. “I had a few issues to iron out,” said Satan.… Continue Reading
OTTAWA—“It’s not you, it’s me.” With those words, Patrick Brown broke up with Ontario AGAIN. Brown stepped down as Ontario PC Party leader January 24 after CTV reported that two women were accusing him of sexual misconduct. After three weeks… Continue Reading
MINNEAPOLIS—The Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots 41-33 in Super Bowl 52 on Sunday. With the win, God keeps his perfect record intact. “I can only give the praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Chirst,” said Eagles coach… Continue Reading
TORONTO—After conceding to their participation in a bread price-fixing scheme, Loblaws has risen to the occasion and is offering customers a twenty-five dollar gift card as a gesture of goodwill. However, some are saying the fine print shows that… Continue Reading
TORONTO—A group of carolers is accusing the classic holiday song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” of sexual misconduct. Inspired by the #MeToo movement, the singers say the time has come to retire the predatory tune. “The male voice in the song… Continue Reading
TORONTO—Everybody’s favourite Christmas ham, Ross Petty, has returned with his latest holiday send-up. This year promises to be one to remember with a roster of hapless actors and cross-dressing facial contortionists presenting A Christmas Carol. The production features the usual… Continue Reading
TORONTO—In September, the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) launched an awareness campaign to combat all forms of harassment on transit property. Over the last month, use of the #thisiswhere has skyrocketed. “I love this is where!” enthused TTC rider Emma Bowling.… Continue Reading
TORONTO—The 2017 Scotiabank Giller Prize finalists were announced October 2 to a crowd of 15 gathered outside CBC headquarters. The group included 10 journalists, four tourists and a homeless man. “This is so exciting!” said Stockholm resident, Lucas Nilsson. “We… Continue Reading
WORLD—After taunting each other publicly over North Korean missile tests, world leaders Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un have a new beef. They can’t agree who should sit astride the third and fourth horses of the Apocalypse. “Obviously,” said Mr. Trump,… Continue Reading