In an exclusive telephone interview to his campaign office, Mooseclean’s Washington political desk discussed Jason Kenney’s strategy in his run for leadership of Canada’s Progressive Conservative party. To be precise, he is running for leadership of his own party as he wishes to disband the existing PC party and merge it with Wildrose, after of purging these parties of any members farther to the left than the Canadian Nazi party.

Although not finalized yet, possible campaign slogans include: “Jason Kenney—farther right than the alt-right” and “The Kenney government—Harper was a pansy, we’ll show how it’s done”.

When asked how breaking the PC party’s own rules by setting up a hospitality suite with free booze and food right next to the delegate selection meeting at the Mill Road gold course clubhouse, Mr. Kenney’s campaign manager Joseph Weissenburger stated, “We are running a thoroughly modern campaign which includes the latest electioneering techniques. The US election has proven that breaking the law actually improves Mr. Kenney’s standing with our target demographics.”

When asked whether the $5000.00 fine imposed was fair, the office replied, “Fair? It was incredible. We had budgeted $20,000!”

“Look,” Mr Weissenberger stated, “That Beitch Leitch has already cornered the anti-immigrant card. We have to go with what is left…”

“Of course I don’t mean anything which is ‘Left’, but what is left over. The stuff left that is right, because the Right are right and the Left are wrong. It would be wrong to think the Left can ever be right, but of course sometimes the Right are wrong. We are right to do something wrong when what is left is a strategy of the Left to do what is right, but it would definitely be wrong to do what is right when what is Right is better than what is Left even if it is right.”

“Our target voters just eat this stuff up” Weissenburger chuckled.

File photo: 5of7 (CC BY-SA-2.0)

By amiableCDN

Mooseclean's Researcher and occasional story contributor.

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