New resident obtains employment with notorious local asshole


Above: Orientation of the Damned.

Word eventually gets around about the people you’d better not work for. But what happens when you’ve just moved somewhere new and desperately need a job?

Jill Rondeau found out the hard way.

“When I mentioned to neighbours that I was working for Mr. Barclay, I could tell from their reactions that I’d made a terrible mistake.”

George Barclay, owner and operator of a local wholesale warehouse, has been, for many years, unanimously regarded by local residents as “a total asshole”.

“I would characterize myself as a shrewd businessman with high standards,” Barclay countered. “It just so happens that very few locals can meet my expectations.”

Indeed, employment statistics show that Barclay’s workforce has been almost entirely staffed by new arrivals to the region. The minority of local born employees are those formerly in the custody of correctional services.

Rondeau had intended to look for other arrangements until Barclay drew her attention to the small print on her employment contract.

“Twenty-four months, if I meet his performance standards for productivity and behaviour… subject to extension if I fail, and wage repayment if I quit, or am fired prematurely. Who created this contact?”

As it turns out, the only local man who holds George Barclay in high esteem.

“Mr. Barclay has been our valued customer for many, many years,” revealed Levi Lipschitz, attorney-at-law.

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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