NORTH KOREA—Over the weekend, North Korea reported the successful testing of a hydrogen bomb and the equally successful avoidance of a Kin Jong-un super tantrum.
“The Young General,” said a senior official on guarantee of anonymity, “has been very anxious to make himself known on the world political stage. He also likes big explosions that make him clap gleefully.”
Since February, North Korea has conducted regular tests in an effort to advance their nuclear program. After U.S. President Trump threatened North Korea via his Twitter communication channel, the East Asian country seemed to back off briefly. Then a ballistic missile was launched over Japan on August 29.
“The Chairman was getting restless,” said a source inside Kim Jong-un’s camp. “He said he’d been a good boy and wanted a reward. We figured firing a missile into the ocean was harmless enough.”
The 33-year-old leader of North Korea is known to insiders as impulsive and impatient. One senior official used a term for Kim Jong-un that roughly translates as “infantile boob”.
“The hydrogen bomb was just our latest attempt at appeasing him,” said the official. “I wish we’d have a natural disaster like Hurricane Harvey to distract the Great Successor. The Americans are lucky.”