Parents across Canada can agree that even after successful toilet training, the struggle continues with their children.

“I stopped buying triple-ply years ago,” Alice Wells of Charlottetown, NS, lamented. “I mean, what’s the point? Even with the added thickness, a roll only lasted three or four days.”

“My kid’s hand looked like it was wrapped in mummy bandages,” observed Hortense Mui of Elkford, BC. “I’ve shown him how much to use, but it never changes.”

Now, a landmark longitudinal study now confirms what many parents have long accepted—there are some developmental milestones which will never met reached until the kids finally move out. In an 82 page report published by the University of Manitoba, the findings are clear.

“Age has nothing to do with it. Maturity has nothing to do with it,” faculty head Dr. Judy Rice reported. “Until kids are the ones having to constantly run to the store to shell out more money for more toilet paper, they treat it like an unlimited resource. Once that happens, consumption drops dramatically. Conversely, soap use increases, but not to a financially significant degree.”

What’s a parent to do? Push the little ones out of the nest sooner than later? Buy stock in Procter & Gamble,  Kimberly Clark or Georgia-Pacific?

Another remedy may be to switch to single ply in the main bathroom. If your kids complain and you pay them an allowance, encourage them to spend it on TP of their choice.

For best results, buy the industrial grade toilet paper that is used in commercial facilities. The ones where you can actuality see splinters in the sheets are best.

Either way, you’ll save money and you may actually encourage the kids to move out sooner without having to explicitly ask.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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