OTTAWA—According to a new report released by Statistics Canada, 80% of Canadian teenagers no longer believe in Saskatchewan.
“Saskatchewan is just a fairy tale to make you feel better about where you go at the end of Manitoba,” wrote Nick Jacobs, 20, a local Geography student. “After all, do you know anyone who’s been there?”
When asked to explain the Saskatchewan Roughriders, Jacobs noted that the team is “obviously government propaganda.” He then explained the media’s role in the conspiracy. “The kids stop believing, and all the sudden The Sheepdogs are on the cover of Rolling Stone? I don’t buy it.”
The remaining 20% of those surveyed described themselves as “Sask-nostic”, explaining that, “It’s impossible to know for certain whether or not Saskatchewan exists, but there’s no denying that those borders are suspiciously straight.”