Toronto Commuters Forced to Navigate Giant Ice Sheet

TORONTO—Public transit riders in Toronto have a new annoyance they can add to a long list of commuting complaints. Since late November, people using Union Station have had to contend with a giant sheet of ice outside the main entrance.

“Getting to work from Oakville is already enough of a pain in the ass,” said commuter Alex Tisdale. “Now I have to run the gauntlet of ice skaters to reach Front Street? Ridiculous.”

The Union Station rink was meant to bring a little fun to the city core. While merriment in the area has increased by 50 per cent, egregious leg breaks have also increased by 50 per cent.

“The free skate and helmet rentals, the pop-up shops, the daily lessons—they were all supposed to make people smile,” said a representative from TD, the rink’s sponsor. “Instead of candy canes, we’re handing out apologies. Although it has been a boon for the insurance sector of our brand.”

Now Torontonians using the city’s busiest transit hub, including more than 300,000 daily commuters, are faced with a 100-foot long Slip ‘N Slide on the John A. Macdonald Plaza. Even the once-welcoming respite of the Best Buy Warming Lounge has turned sour with the local homeless population claiming the structure as their own.

“My morning commute has become a nightmare obstacle course,” complained Mandeep Saresh. “First I’m forced to deal with the assholes on the subway, then I have to navigate around a bunch of ice skaters, and finally I need to dodge Toronto drivers poised to mow down pedestrians!”

The TD Union Holiday will be open for skating and commuter interference until January 4.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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