Toronto Commuters Forced to Navigate Giant Ice Sheet
TORONTO—Public transit riders in Toronto have a new annoyance they can add to a long list of commuting complaints. Since late November, people using Union Station have had to contend…
Convicted sadist makes good on city plow crew
LOCAL—Ian Cooper was recently honoured as Employee of the Month by his managers at the city’s municipal road management division, but the future didn’t always look so bright. Cooper, 32,…
Frosty the Snowman canonized by Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY—Frosty the Snowman is a fairy tale they say, but don’t tell that to the Roman Catholic Church. After decades of debate, the famed jolly, happy soul is not…
Fall is the gate to winter’s hell
CANADA—It’s late autumn in Canada and something sinister is afoot. Temperatures are dropping and soon a new season will be upon us. “I can’t believe this is happening again!” lamented…
Hurricane Miranda now identifies as Hurricane Matthew
Earlier today Hurricane Miranda announced that it will be transitioning, and now wants to be called Matthew.
Extremely harsh winter caused by awkward man’s prayer for something to talk about
A Hamilton man is claiming the extremely harsh winter is a result of his prayers for God to help him with small talk.
Farewell to February
Record-breaking cold temperatures, chart-topping snowfall and storms galore made the shortest calendar month seem like the longest. Mooseclean’s put a woman on the street to ask hearty Torontonians what they…
#stormchips movement inspires Maritime emergency kit
HALIFAX—Maritimers emerged unscathed and full of potato chips after a tempest blew through Eastern Canada last week.
Ice storm peddling confirms that winter cyclists are certifiably fucktarded
OTTAWA—Despite 15 millimetres of freezing rain coating the 18 centimetres of snow that fell recently, observers report that Ottawa bikes are continuing to traverse the National Capital Region.
Spring has sprung!
CANADA—Today is the first official day of spring. So whether you’re sitting on a sunny patio or digging out of three feet of snow, it’s time to welcome the change…