The Toronto Maple Leafs have hired former Burger King mascot The Burger King to a 5 year deal. King is expected to take on both duties of the General Manager and Head Coach. He beat both Wendy Thomas and Ronald McDonald for the highly sought positions.
Maple Leafs President Brendan Shanahan was beaming after the signing, “We’re really excited to bring The Burger King into our organization. We expect he can turn the team around and deliver a Whopper of a season next year.”
The move comes in direct response to the miraculous success of the Ottawa Senators with Andrew ‘The Hamburglar’ Hammond stealing a playoff berth for the team. In early February the Senators statistically only had a 2.05% chance of making the postseason.
The signing sparks a new direction for the Maple Leafs after fired General Manager Dave Nonis and interim coach Peter Horachek held the reins for one of the worst seasons in modern Maple Leafs history. The Leafs struggled the entire season and finished an abysmal 30-44-8 with 68 points giving Edmonton and Buffalo both competition for worst team in the National Hockey League.
King’s first move is expected to offload Maple Leafs Captain Dion Phaneuf to Burger King’s downtown Toronto Yonge Street store for a bag of frozen french fries. Phaneuf’s leadership will be put to good use in a managerial position during the breakfast rush.