Drake Mounted on Front of Raptors Parade Bus
TORONTO—Sports fans in Toronto are expected to turn out in droves today as the city celebrates NBA champions, the Toronto Raptors. Players will ride through the city in open-air double-decker…
Prostitution Charges Rub Patriots Owner the Wrong Way
Sports is all about ritual. Eating the same breakfast. Putting on the right shoe first. Kissing a charm for good luck. On the day of the AFC title game, the…
God Improves Record to 52-0 with Latest Super Bowl Win
Logan Stevenson. Jesus Pass. 1972. Oil on canvas. MINNEAPOLIS—The Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots 41-33 in Super Bowl 52 on Sunday. With the win, God keeps his perfect…
Heartwarming Commercial Turns Vile on Repeated Viewings
CANADA—A commercial that once inspired audiences to say awwwwww is now inciting annoyance and anger in viewers. “When I first saw that ad where the woman gives her sick child…
March Madness leads to April Apathy
U.S.A.—Sports enthusiasts who have been losing their shit over college basketball during the month of March will soon be faced with nothing to live for. Kentucky superfan Corb Bunsen talked…
Baby’s name to be decided by shootout
TORONTO—After Toronto FC lost the MLS Cup to the Seattle Sounders in a shootout, new parents and longtime soccer fans John and Anna Besh made a decision. “Look, if the…
Grey Cup 2016 – Two red teams, a horse, a lumberjack and a dog
TORONTO—On November 27th, the 104th Grey Cup will be played at Toronto’s BMO Field. Here’s a game day primer for those of you who aren’t CFL fans.
Best Canadian Olympics Ever?
After a couple or weeks in Rio, the Canadian Olympic Team enjoyed great success. The team finished tenth in the medal standings, including four Gold. We had some great contributors…
IOC admits to hiring Brazil for its looks
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—The 2016 Rio Summer Olympics are mired in uncertainty. Concerns about pollution, crime and a lack of preparedness have plagued the Games. Now, a top IOC official…
UK wants to “Breturn” after England falls to Iceland
LONDON—The nation that voted to stand alone on June 23 is now having doubts. After England lost 2-1 to Iceland in the tournament of 16, many fear the UK may…