TORONTO—Ontario Premiere Kathleen Wynne and Toronto Mayor John Tory claim they want to do what’s best for us, the province of Ontario and the city of Toronto. But their constant bickering is tearing this Canadian family apart.

Tory thinks Wynne’s allotted allowance for his essentials is insulting. He also feels it’s demeaning that he constantly has to ask for more funding. Just like when Mom complained that Dad didn’t give her enough money to run the household and he said she didn’t need to buy such posh toilet paper.

“We need to improve transportation!” declared Tory. It makes us think of the fight over the station wagon. Dad thought it was good enough and Mom was worried one of us kids would fall through the hole behind the driver’s seat. Dad said there was no money for a new car. Mom came up with a solution, but Dad nixed her idea of working for Avon. Reminds me of Tory’s road toll taxes, shot down by Wynne.

In a bold move, Tory implored people in Etobicoke to call their local MPP about social housing repairs. He passed out flyers to further his cause. In an equally bold move, Mom hung Dad’s skid-mark stained underwear out on the clothesline for all the neighbours to see when he wouldn’t buy her a new dryer.

If they don’t stop fighting, I’m going to develop that bald patch again from pulling at my hair. Their antics will drive me to spend more time outside the city and wear my headphones so I can’t hear the news. Why can’t they just get divorced already?

By Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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