2018 Olympic Canadian bobsled team announcement

Photo: by David, Bergin, Emmett and Elliott, flickr

Arnold Gallant of Halifax has decided to make himself and his buddy Dave Andrews participants at the next Winter Olympics, Gallant announced today.

“Yeah, so I’m sitting on the couch having a Molson’s with Davie and we was watching that bobsledding thing at the Olympics .  So I says to Davie, ‘Hey, look, we can do that!’  My good bud here, agreed.”

Said Mr. Andrews, “These guys, they just push the bobsled a little and they jump in and that’s it.  Oh well, yeah, maybe one guy has to steer, but just a little bit.  They’re all rigged out these sleds so it’s not like you need any real skill.  Then there’s the guy in the middle and the guy at the end who puts the brake on at the finish line.  Who couldn’t do that? We’re going to ask Dwayne down at the plant if he wants to join us, but I’m pretty sure he will.”

“Dave and I are going to start training tomorrow after work.  We’re just going to sit on the floor, with our legs straight out for about five hours every night and shift our upper bodies from side to side to pretend we’re in the bobsled,” Mr. Gallant said.

“I think we’ll let Dwayne do the steering because he runs the forklift at the plant and he’s never had an accident.  I’m going to do the brake.  All I have to do is pull a handle but I don’t think I need any training for that,” Andrews laughed. “But, me and Arnie especially have to drop a few pounds,” Andrews continued, as he patted his obvious beer belly.  “I think there are rules about total weight limits for the sledders, so we’ll just drink a few less beers during the week.  We should be good to go by 2018.”

“Hey, Davie, where’s the next winter games at, anyway?” asked Gallant.

“Don’t know,” said Andrews.

When informed by this reporter that they would be held at PyeongChang, South Korea, Mr. Gallant responded, “Well, hot damn!  I’ve never been to Europe before.  I want to get me some of that German beer if it ain’t too far from there!”

“Don’t forget to root for us,” called out Mr. Gallant. “We’re going for Gold!”

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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