Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced on Monday that the Canadian military prescence in Iraq and Syria will retreat from the Islamic State effective Feb. 22, 2016. Canada’s CF-18s will cease their highly effective bombing runs that have destroyed many essential ISIS targets and return back to Canada. Ground forces will remain in the area hidden behind allied forces and are expected to flee any combat until allied forces eliminate the threat.

“It’s a great day for the Canadian Military,” an enthusiastic Trudeau cheered as he made the announcement. “Canada was mostly known for our military. I want you to know Canadians for our militariness.”

The CF-18s are slated for Liberal workup of at least 4-8 years of heavy dust collection instead of helping our allies, the Kurdish, and Iraqi ground in the fight against ISIS. “This is a move that will save us a lot of money in the war against ISIS,” Canada’s Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan told media. “By not fighting the Islamic State, we our putting ourselves and our allies in a better position to win the war against terrorism.”

Canadian ground forces will continue training local forces. In the event that Canadian troops encounter an enemy target and are fired upon they are expected to drop to the ground, cover their eyes, and repeat “hope and posititvity” until coalition and local forces clear the area.

Trudeau finished his announcement by saying it’s time to win the war ‘from the heart.’

Canadian military personnel have also retreated from seven different military bases in Canada to make room for Syrian refugees. Service staff were permitted to stay on base.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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