Photo: Mike Mozart (CC BY SA 2.0)
Documents filed in Supreme Court today, reveal that the Coca-Cola Corporation is being sued in civil division for an unprecedented one hundred million dollars.
The Statement of Claim reveals that Raspberry Beautiful Heavenly Smith thinks she is being discriminated against in the latest Coke promotion. The ads show bottles in which the Coke is sold labelled with various proper names such as Jessica, Alisha, or Chris.
Contacted at her home, Raspberry “Raz” Smith explained the reason for her suit. “I am so sick of everyone with these “ordinary” repetitive names such as Suzy, Anne, Betsy, you know. Why don’t I see a name like “Raspberry” on the label or “Beautiful”?” It isn’t fair.”
Ms. Smith explained her reasons for the litigation further. “Just because I have unusual first and middle names doesn’t mean I should be discriminated against on those labels. I’m not the only one either; what about all the celebrity’s kids out there too, like “Ivy Blue” and “North” and “Dweezil?” I’m speaking out on behalf of all uniquely named people. It’s also like, weird, to walk around with a bottle of Coke with somebody else’s name on it.”
Raspberry said she is looking forward to the one hundred million dollars, despite being advised by expert civil case lawyers that her ridiculous claim doesn’t stand a chance of being successful. In fact, one lawyer called it a waste of the court’s time and will no doubt be dismissed as a “vexatious” suit.
“Yeah, some smart-ass, know-it-all lawyers said that I wouldn’t win. Well, somebody has to bring this gross negligence to the attention of the public. If I win a few bucks doing it, so what? I think the lawyers are wrong and I’m sure I will be vindicated.”
Ms. Smith is acting on her own behalf in the case which is scheduled to be heard sometime next year.