Criminals offended at Grand Theft Auto’s unrealistic expectations


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Last week’s launch of the latest version of Grand Theft Auto has prompted many pro-crime advocacy groups to come out and publicly boycott the game’s unrealistic portrayal of felonious activities.

“The game is just too easy,” says blue collar criminal Ted “DrugKnife” Murphy, head of the Crime4Lyfe Foundation, “we criminals put a lot of time and effort into jacking cars and robbing liquor stores, and it’s hard work! Many of our delinquents now believe that stealing aircraft and military equipment is effortless, this has to stop.”

Murphy adds: “We’re getting young people coming up to us, wanting to lead an honest life of crime based on this game.  They’ve been brainwashed into thinking they can steal a tunneling machine, bore a hole into the side of the Federal Reserve and fly the gold out with a helicopter. It’s offensive to our conservative, low-life way of committing misdemeanors and we want the game recalled.”

Rockstar Games has heard the cries of millions of convicts and fugitives alike and has plans to release a new “Municipal Court” mode in which the player is sentenced to 400 hours of mandatory in-game community service.

Jay Milley

Jay Milley

Lives in Toronto. Rugged indoorsman. Great with power cords. Follow on Twitter @jaymilley

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