Local Boy Found Home Alone, Channeling ’90s Movie Spirit
OAKVILLE, Ontario — In a scene straight out of a classic ’90s holiday movie, eight-year-old Kevin McAllister was found home alone on Thursday morning, after his family inadvertently left him…
The 2024 Presidential Election: A True American Horror Story
Dear Americans, lock your doors, turn on all the lights, and clutch your loved ones tight. The 2024 presidential election season is here, and it’s shaping up to be a…
PewDiePie Asks White Supremacists to Unsubscribe
NEW ZEALAND—The Mosque shootings in Christchurch, New Zealand on Friday left 50 people dead and as many injured. The accused murderer live-streamed part of the attack and called out “subscribe…
Lessons from a Popular Stalker Romance
The Netflix series You gave people a reason to stay home this winter, and made some women reconsider whether their college boyfriend was really sweet or actually a creep. The…
Marie Kondo show “Manipulation Westerner Time” Big in Japan
TOKYO-Marie Kondo is the most famous professional organizer on the planet. She’s parlayed her popular books into the hit Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. The show is big…
Taverner Hopes to Star in Grease Remake
TORONTO-Over the weekend, would-be new chief of the OPP Ron Taverner turned down his appointment and embraced his true calling. In the new year, Taverner will be pursuing the role…
Kardashian family tree discovered
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now,…
Scotiabank Giller Prize Announcement Excites Several
TORONTO—The 2017 Scotiabank Giller Prize finalists were announced October 2 to a crowd of 15 gathered outside CBC headquarters. The group included 10 journalists, four tourists and a homeless man.…
Cosby to Enlighten New Generation of Abusers with Speaking Tour
ALABAMA—After escaping sexual assault charges in a trial that resulted in a hung jury, Bill Cosby is ready to educate the masses. “I thought to myself, how can I monetize…
Chuck Berry dead at 90
WAY DOWN IN LOUISIANA, Close to New Orleans—Mooseclean’s is shocked and saddened (and also sick and tired of starting articles with those five words) to learn that Chuck Berry has…