God Improves Record to 52-0 with Latest Super Bowl Win

Logan Stevenson. Jesus Pass. 1972. Oil on canvas.

MINNEAPOLIS—The Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots 41-33 in Super Bowl 52 on Sunday. With the win, God keeps his perfect record intact.

“I can only give the praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Chirst,” said Eagles coach Doug Pederson as he lifted the Vince Lombardi trophy high above his head. He went on to acknowledge that his players are pretty good, too.

Super Bowl MVP, Eagles quarterback Nick Foles, knew exactly who was behind the first NFL title to go to Philadelphia. “All the glory to God,” said Foles, holding his young daughter after the game.

“God loves all football players,” said God through spokesperson Pastor Greg Kind. “When a player acknowledges God by pointing to the sky or dropping to one knee after a touchdown, they are thanking him for their talent and for their faith that allows them to be super athletes.” Kind went on to say that every player in the Super Bowl was blessed, as God celebrates the winners and consoles the losers.

During the game, coluor analyst Cris Collinsworth commented on the show of faith to broadcast partner Al Michaels. “Sixty-three percent of the teams to score the first touchdown and praise God in the end zone go on to win the game,” said Collinsworth. “Is that right?” responded Michaels.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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