Patrick Brown is our Ex, and Ontario is Us

OTTAWA—“It’s not you, it’s me.” With those words, Patrick Brown broke up with Ontario AGAIN.

Brown stepped down as Ontario PC Party leader January 24 after CTV reported that two women were accusing him of sexual misconduct. After three weeks of denials, during which time his former party distanced itself as much as possible, Brown did the unexpected. On February 16, the disgraced former leader declared his bid to become the new no longer disgraced leader.

“Typical,” said Tillsonburg mother Jen Sallis. “He got caught with his pants down, denied any wrongdoing, ran away, and then came crawling back.”

For more than two years, Ontario’s relationship with Brown was okay. I guess. There were always rumours that he wasn’t that good at his job and that his friends were thugs. But he was young, vibrant, non-threatening and really seemed like a nice guy. And he had that way of reeling us back in. Like when he told us late one night, and for many nights thereafter, that he stuttered as a kid. We found it endearing that he’d open up to us that way. And he had a really big house on the lake. Then it all went south.

“I don’t mind if a man likes to spend some time at the bar,” said University of Toronto student Chanel Lewis. “But if he’s there to pick up teenagers, then we have a problem.”

After declaring he wanted to replace himself as PC leader, Brown was alternately given the cold shoulder and openly bad-mouthed by his party. Ten days of sweet talking got him no closer to his old job and he threw in the towel. “I never wanted you back anyway!” Brown reportedly yelled as he stormed out of party headquarters.

Brown says he left to concentrate on himself, but we’re pretty sure he’s creeping us on Facebook.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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