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Going for Glory During COVID

July 27, 2020Molly Donovan Leave a Comment

TORONTO—Glory be! We can have sex again! The BC Centre for Disease Control (BCCDC) is condoning doing the deed, as long as we take precautions during COVID-19. One suggestion made by the public health program is to utilize a glory… Continue Reading →

Donovan, Health, Sex

Prostitution Charges Rub Patriots Owner the Wrong Way

February 27, 2019Molly Donovan 1 Comment

Sports is all about ritual. Eating the same breakfast. Putting on the right shoe first. Kissing a charm for good luck. On the day of the AFC title game, the owner of the New England Patriots carried out his own… Continue Reading →

Business, Donovan, Sex, Sports

Lisa MacLeod and the Tao of Crüe

January 18, 2019Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Nepean MPP and Ontario Cabinet Minister Lisa MacLeod flaunted the depth of her philosophical acumen in a swipe at former Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne: While this could easily be written off as a feeble taunt, her invocation of 1990 glam… Continue Reading →

Canada, Music, Opinion, Politics, Sex

Neighbouring Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson

December 14, 2018Contributor Leave a Comment

SPACE – The Whirlpool Galaxy (Messier 51a), a gravitationally bound system of billions of stars located approximately 15-35 million light-years from Earth, has filed a restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson. Tyson, an astrophysicist and science educator, has been embroiled in controversy… Continue Reading →

Crime, Science, Sex

Kardashian family tree discovered

December 3, 2018Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now, after an exhaustive search spanning over ten years and many thousands… Continue Reading →

Culture, Entertainment, Music, Panache, Sex

Louis CK embarks on highly-anticipated return to exhibitionist masturbation

November 5, 2018Contributor Leave a Comment

Louis C.K. made a tentative return to masturbating in front of junior staff last night—asking some unknown comediennes to watch him masturbate in front of them at a small New York comedy club. The comedian, who stepped out of the… Continue Reading →

Sex

Patrick Brown is our Ex, and Ontario is Us

March 2, 2018Molly Donovan Leave a Comment

OTTAWA—“It’s not you, it’s me.” With those words, Patrick Brown broke up with Ontario AGAIN. Brown stepped down as Ontario PC Party leader January 24 after CTV reported that two women were accusing him of sexual misconduct. After three weeks… Continue Reading →

Donovan, Politics, Sex

Cosby to Enlighten New Generation of Abusers with Speaking Tour

June 27, 2017Molly Donovan Leave a Comment

ALABAMA—After escaping sexual assault charges in a trial that resulted in a hung jury, Bill Cosby is ready to educate the masses. “I thought to myself, how can I monetize my exploitation of women?” said Cosby. “And with the help… Continue Reading →

Crime, Donovan, Entertainment, Sex

F**k a duck? Don’t mind if I do…

March 21, 2017Contributor Leave a Comment

WE-SWEAR-WE-ARE-NOT-MAKING-THIS-UP DEPT. Photo: Mohd Fahmi Mohd Azmi, flickr A man was detained in Bursa province in Turkey’s Marmara region for allegedly raping a duck, daily Habertürk reported. Police forces detained the man following complaints from his inlaws, who claimed he… Continue Reading →

Crime, Life, Sex, True Story, World

Health Canada approves ‘Season After the Morning After’ Pill

November 2, 2016Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Photo: Michael Chen (CC-BY-2.0) OTTAWA—Following positive, albeit controversial, results with its approval of non-prescription sales of the 72-hour ‘morning after’ pill (Levonorgestrel) and the 49-day ‘abortion pill’ (Mifegymiso), Health Canada has upped the ante.

Business, Death, Health, Life, Panache, Sex

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