Women’s Group Asks: Is It Time for Your Vasectomy?
Heterosexual men of Canada, it’s time for your vasectomy! That’s the message from women’s rights group, Sperm Free Society (SFS). They want men to drop their pants and pick up…
Oops, He Did it Again
OTTAWA—Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, it’s a kink. Liberal MP William Amos has again been caught with his pants down. Last month, Amos appeared nude during…
Going for Glory During COVID
TORONTO—Glory be! We can have sex again! The BC Centre for Disease Control (BCCDC) is condoning doing the deed, as long as we take precautions during COVID-19. One suggestion made…
Prostitution Charges Rub Patriots Owner the Wrong Way
Sports is all about ritual. Eating the same breakfast. Putting on the right shoe first. Kissing a charm for good luck. On the day of the AFC title game, the…
Lisa MacLeod and the Tao of Crüe
Nepean MPP and Ontario Cabinet Minister Lisa MacLeod flaunted the depth of her philosophical acumen in a swipe at former Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne: While this could easily be written…
Neighbouring Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson
SPACE – The Whirlpool Galaxy (Messier 51a), a gravitationally bound system of billions of stars located approximately 15-35 million light-years from Earth, has filed a restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson. Tyson,…
Kardashian family tree discovered
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now, after…
Louis CK embarks on highly-anticipated return to exhibitionist masturbation
Louis C.K. made a tentative return to masturbating in front of junior staff last night—asking some unknown comediennes to watch him masturbate in front of them at a small New…
Patrick Brown is our Ex, and Ontario is Us
OTTAWA—“It’s not you, it’s me.” With those words, Patrick Brown broke up with Ontario AGAIN. Brown stepped down as Ontario PC Party leader January 24 after CTV reported that two…
Cosby to Enlighten New Generation of Abusers with Speaking Tour
ALABAMA—After escaping sexual assault charges in a trial that resulted in a hung jury, Bill Cosby is ready to educate the masses. “I thought to myself, how can I monetize…