Polio Outbreak: A Modest Proposal

Polio is a vaccine preventable disease.  Yet, there are currently outbreaks in at least 10 countries causing the World Health Organization (WHO) to declare a public health emergency.  There is no cure, which means those already infected are resigned to their fate.

So here I offer my own take on the matter, which I presume will not encounter any grievance.

One in 200 contracting the polio virus will suffer from irreversible paralysis.  Since the disease mainly affects children under five and in cases of paralysis, the legs are typically involved…why not take full advantage of this gift of captive labor?  Being highly infectious, if polio can’t be eradicated, why not contain it?  I say round up all the afflicted and put them to work!  Move these poor crippled kids to a big warehouse in an isolated area and reap the rewards!

There is a need, nay a demand, in North America for cheap and cheerful basics.  No polio-free man, woman or child should have to wait another day to take advantage of brightly colored inexpensive t-shirts and cotton blend pants.  If we send every polio-stricken child to a quarantined facility, we can outfit the entire Canadian population from Newfoundland to the Yukon!

These poor children, from war-torn and impoverished areas, can once again contribute to society. Imagine how relieved their parents will be to no longer bear the burden of feeding and clothing and caring for their compromised offspring.  Send them to me!  Send me your damaged babies! I’ll make their lives worth living!

WHO has been trying to banish polio for almost 30 years.  Instead of fighting this losing battle, let’s embrace the reality of the situation.  Negligence in these countries has provided offshore manufacturing with a golden opportunity to step up production.  If these youngsters can’t be vaccinated against polio, then they shall be inoculated against a wasted life.  Put needle and thread in their hands, seat them in front of sewing machines and allow them to realize their potential.

My only desire in making this proposal is to bolster Western fortunes by helping others.  I want sincerely to save these wretched souls from a life of poverty, protect those not infected and give capitalism a shot in the arm.  Having no children of my own, and knowing only healthy vaccinated children in my medically subsidized country, I cannot contribute to this cause directly.  But I can provide a framework for success.

The End

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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