Taco Bell eliminates middleman by serving alcohol


CANADA—Taco Bell and alcohol go hand-in-hand. Now the fast food giant is condensing a two-step process into one-stop shopping.

“Beginning in June, Taco Bell will be serving beer at select locations,” announced Yum! Brands Director of PR, Scott Henderson. “If you like our food, we know you also like beer. So we decided to give the customer what they want!”

A favorite of drunks everywhere, Taco Bell is looking to cash in on low hanging fermented fruit. A location on Queen Street West will be the first to test the food and beverage combo.

“I love it! What a great idea! Can I get a beer right now?” asked Saturday night regular, Aimee Liscomb. “I could really kill a couple of brewskies with this spicy chicken burrito,” she said, hot sauce dripping down her chin. “Whoooooooo!”

Taco Bell plans to implement some other changes in an attempt to appeal to Millennials. “We’ll feature local artwork, open kitchens and shareable menus,” said Henderson. He was met with silence from the media.

Taco Bell is also looking to partner with Uber now that they’ve ensured no customer will ever again be sober.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don’t hold that against me because I’m also Canadian.

Just think of me as the mole.

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