Trudeau grants Osama Bin Laden Canadian citizenship postmortem


Photo: Alex Guibord, flickr (CC BY 2.0)

“This is a great day of Canada as we begin a new era of positivity,” beamed Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as he granted Osama Bin Laden Canadian citizenship.

The idea to grant citizenship postmortem occurred at a press conference earlier in the year when the Liberals decided to reverse the very popular Conservative bill that revokes the Canadian citizenship of convicted terrorists who are dual nationals.

Trudeau had quipped meaninglessly that “a Canadian is a Canadian is a Canadian” when acknowledging that convicted terrorists who had planned to kill Canadians and devastate Canada would have their Canadian citizenship restored. A reporter then asked rhetorically “if convicted terrorists are Canadians could Osama Bin Laden be considered a Canadian as well?”

Osama Bin Laden was the mastermind behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks that killed nearly 3,000 people and injured thousands more. Bin Laden was killed in a raid in 2011 by American Special Forces.

“Terrorists around the world will no longer have to feel misunderstood and unwelcome. You are all welcome here and you will be given Canadian citizenship. We are all Canadians today,” Justin said to the roaring applause of white-guilt ridden Caucasian people. “Do not listen to the divisive conservatives, we don’t have room for their xenophobia. If Osama Bin Laden was alive today, he would be welcome here!” The Prime Minister exclaimed with juvenile delight.

The Liberals have also put together a special interest committee of a dozen liberal friends and supporters to consider if Wellington St. in Ottawa should be renamed to Bin Ladenington St. in honour of the late terrorist mastermind. Each committee member will be paid a six-figure salary with all expenses paid and a bonus upon completion of the proposal.

The Prime Minister hopes that by welcoming radical Islamist murderers and rapists into the country that we can forgive and forget so we can all build a better future together. Justin then said, “a terrorist is a Canadian is not a terrorist is a Canadian is a Canadian,” and dropped his microphone tapped his hand twice to his heart and blew a kiss to the crowd.

Brian

There can only be one. #ModernGinger

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