PewDiePie Asks White Supremacists to Unsubscribe
NEW ZEALAND—The Mosque shootings in Christchurch, New Zealand on Friday left 50 people dead and as many injured. The accused murderer live-streamed part of the attack and called out “subscribe…
Neighbouring Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson
SPACE – The Whirlpool Galaxy (Messier 51a), a gravitationally bound system of billions of stars located approximately 15-35 million light-years from Earth, has filed a restraining order against Neil deGrasse…
Cosby to Enlighten New Generation of Abusers with Speaking Tour
ALABAMA—After escaping sexual assault charges in a trial that resulted in a hung jury, Bill Cosby is ready to educate the masses. “I thought to myself, how can I monetize…
Ottawa Police unite in support of fatal beating death
OTTAWA—Over 1,200 wristbands embossed with the words “United we stand / divided we fall” along with “#1998” have been purchased by members of the Ottawa Police Service and their supporters.…
F**k a duck? Don’t mind if I do…
WE-SWEAR-WE-ARE-NOT-MAKING-THIS-UP DEPT. A man was detained in Bursa province in Turkey’s Marmara region for allegedly raping a duck, daily Habertürk reported. Police forces detained the man following complaints from his…
Killer nurse to publish poetry collection
Elizabeth Tracy Mae Wettlaufer, accused of first-degree murder in the deaths of eight Ontario nursing-home wards, is poised to become a published author. According to trusted sources, several North American…
CBC wants sensitivity training for Borel after she rips them a new one
TORONTO—After having her sexual assault charges against Jian Gomeshi settled by peace bond last week, Kathryn Borel made a statement to the media. In the wake of what she said,…
Trudeau grants Osama Bin Laden Canadian citizenship postmortem
“This is a great day of Canada as we begin a new era of positivity,” beamed Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as he granted Osama Bin Laden Canadian citizenship.
P.E.I. man ticketed for texting while driving… in his driveway
First, it was a man driving through a Tim Horton’s early in the morning to get his daily coffee in Beaumont, Alberta when he was stopped and ticketed by police…
Jian Ghomeshi ready to Hatefuck Your Morning with new webcast
From the basement of his mother’s home in Thornhill, Ontario, disgraced former ‘Q’ host Jian Ghomeshi is quietly rebuilding his media empire. Capitalizing on his new reputation within the public…