MP accuses grade 4 student of terrorism
What was meant to be a routine visit to Oak Ridges Public School turned into a bizarre showdown between MP for Oak Ridges-Markham and Parliamentary Secretary to the Prime Minister,…
New drug promises to help Canadians sleep better at night
A new drug which scientists claim will help millions of Canadians sleep better at night will be hitting the market on Friday. The drug, called Zonoplasmo, is designed to treat…
Ontario Deputy Premier to fix homeless problem by mass deportation
With above-average literacy, healthcare-fortified bodies, and predominantly white skin, Canada's homeless are a booming export to America's economically decimated subprime mortgage crisis urban wastelands. Deputy Premier Deb Matthews has finally…
Canadian Tire Money goes digital: Big whoop
TORONTO—Canadian Tire has announced that its nationally recognizable store currency is going digital. And the prospect of rainbow-colored Canadian Tire money becoming obsolete triggered a gasp that was heard from…
Torontonians surprised Rob Ford tumour not found in head
TORONTO—Ontarians were shocked this week to learn that Mayor-for-the-meantime Rob Ford was admitted to hospital with an abdominal tumour after complaining of stomach pains. "Abdomen? Really?" exclaimed Gerald Waymire of…