March Madness leads to April Apathy
U.S.A.—Sports enthusiasts who have been losing their shit over college basketball during the month of March will soon be faced with nothing to live for. Kentucky superfan Corb Bunsen talked…
Ottawa Police unite in support of fatal beating death
OTTAWA—Over 1,200 wristbands embossed with the words “United we stand / divided we fall” along with “#1998” have been purchased by members of the Ottawa Police Service and their supporters. 1998 is…
Impark offers adult colouring program
Keen to embrace the adult colouring trend while it lasts, a North American parking company has apparently unveiled a special customer appreciation program in select garages across the continent. Observers…
PaperSave too complex for public servants
Imagine you had an employee that consistently misfiled papers. Instead of the right-hand cabinet, they used the left. Concerned, you placed prominent signs on each cabinet to specify “Papers here”…
F**k a duck? Don’t mind if I do…
WE-SWEAR-WE-ARE-NOT-MAKING-THIS-UP DEPT. A man was detained in Bursa province in Turkey’s Marmara region for allegedly raping a duck, daily Habertürk reported. Police forces detained the man following complaints from his…
Chuck Berry dead at 90
WAY DOWN IN LOUISIANA, Close to New Orleans—Mooseclean’s is shocked and saddened (and also sick and tired of starting articles with those five words) to learn that Chuck Berry has died.…
Help! My friends joined the Crossfit cult!
Dear Mooseclean’s: Lately, I feel like a number of my friends have fallen victim to a cult. They talk obsessively about their group, use specialized language and berate themselves for…