with illustration by finklebottom
TORONTO—If you’re flying Air Canada this fall, you have two choices: pack light or bend over. Citing the reason “everybody else is doing it”, the country’s largest carrier will be charging $25 for the first checked bag on all its cheapest flights.

“We expect this will only affect twenty percent of our clientele,” said Air Canada spokesperson Allison Wurly.  “The baggage charge is levied on the lowest-class domestic flights, and also flights to and from Mexico and the Caribbean.  Really, those people are already buying less expensive tickets, so I don’t know why they’re complaining.”

The new policy is outlined on the Air Canada website.  Terms like “first marketing carrier” and “ultimate destination”, paired with a reference to “IATA Resolution 302”, make it obvious the company hopes to confuse customers into submission.

Winnipeg resident Mary Stussy is already concerned about her annual trip to Mexico.  “The rules say a passenger is allowed one personal item and one standard item.  Plus a small purse.  I always take my little dog, Annie.  She won’t count as my personal item, will she?  And what about my tennis racket?  My guitar?  My Duty Free purchases?  Oh, this is such a bother!”

Following in the footsteps of other North American airlines, Air Canada says this move was inevitable.  Said Wurly, “We’d like to remind passengers that Porter Air started charging for checked luggage in the spring.  WestJet made the move before we did, too.”

With their excellent reputation for customer service and a lack of competition, Air Canada is confident the new fee won’t affect business.  The latest in charges for things that used to be free takes effect November 2.

By Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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