with illustration by finklebottom

Last week, New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, an allegedly self-described “argumentative, perpetually-horny middle-aged man” was discovered to have been sending explicit messages to women. Weiner, who is married, previously resigned from the U.S. Congress in 2011 for tweeting a picture of his private member.

Here is a list of his most popular explanations:

10. I thought the sexting hang-up was only a congressional thing, not a mayoral thing.

9. I still had another year on my Ashley Madison account.

8. I can’t deny the ladies of the Internet all this!

7. A chest wax only lasts so long.

6. Who can refuse a woman with a name like Sydney Leathers?

5. Sexting is cheaper than buying a sports car.

4. My penis craves the spotlight.

3. I TOLD you there were more!

2. Carlos Danger made me do it.

1. Huma and I were on a break.

By Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

Leave a Reply