with illustration by finklebottom
Last week, New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, an allegedly self-described “argumentative, perpetually-horny middle-aged man” was discovered to have been sending explicit messages to women. Weiner, who is married, previously resigned from the U.S. Congress in 2011 for tweeting a picture of his private member.
Here is a list of his most popular explanations:
10. I thought the sexting hang-up was only a congressional thing, not a mayoral thing.
9. I still had another year on my Ashley Madison account.
8. I can’t deny the ladies of the Internet all this!
7. A chest wax only lasts so long.
6. Who can refuse a woman with a name like Sydney Leathers?
5. Sexting is cheaper than buying a sports car.
4. My penis craves the spotlight.
3. I TOLD you there were more!
2. Carlos Danger made me do it.
1. Huma and I were on a break.