News from Concordia University now confirms what many have long suspected: taxi drivers still drive like… well, taxi drivers whether they’re in their cab or not.

Abdul-Mubdi’ Muhair Aswad, whose car was idling and double-parked in a handicapped zone, seemed nonplussed. “I am very good at my job because of the way I drive. Why would I drive differently when the meter is not running?”

Why, indeed. Perhaps it is our characteristic need as Canadians to excuse what we consider to be aggressive and anti-social behaviour of other motorists.

“When I see anyone speeding, tailgating or weaving in and out of traffic, I always give them the benefit of the doubt,” said Spencer Hooper, 37. “Maybe they’re driving themselves to the hospital. Perhaps they are suffering from explosive diarrhea.”

A disquieting thought, but one not shared by the public at large.

“This is one of those ‘Well, duh!’ research studies if I ever heard one,” remarked Finlay Lane, 51. “If university students are hard up for thesis topics, I have some interesting moles on my bum that I wouldn’t mind being looked at.”

Another disquieting thought.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. You can follow him on Twitter @SebPanache, except he quit posting there after Elon bought it. Search for Mooseclean's on Mastodon instead.

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