Going for Glory During COVID
TORONTO—Glory be! We can have sex again! The BC Centre for Disease Control (BCCDC) is condoning doing the deed, as long as we take precautions during COVID-19. One suggestion made…
Take Off, Hoser! Bob and Doug Blast Into Space
ISS—Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley rode the SpaceX Crew Dragon spacecraft to the International Space Station, docking on Sunday. That’s right—Bob and Doug went to space. The US press has…
Excuse to Humble Brag Brings Comfort During Isolation
Just because you’re stuck at home doesn’t mean you have to appear lame. Unable to post pictures from hot restaurants, exclusive parties, and exotic travel destinations, people have found a…
Influencer Convinces Followers Corona beer tied to coronavirus
TORONTO—Corona beer sales have plummeted since an influencer drew a direct connection between the popular import and the coronavirus outbreak. Now the marketer and distributor of Corona products in Canada…
Toronto Commuters Forced to Navigate Giant Ice Sheet
TORONTO—Public transit riders in Toronto have a new annoyance they can add to a long list of commuting complaints. Since late November, people using Union Station have had to contend…
Americans Wary of Undefined Thanksgiving Traditions
“Monday was Thanksgiving for you all?” asked dental assistant Jody Warner. “What kind of sales did you have to celebrate?” Welder Jonathan Skyler wanted to learn more about the differences…
Canada is a Food Dessert in the Cookie Peddling Game
CANADA—The Girl Guides in Canada have been selling cookies since 1927. South of the border, Girl Scouts started selling cookies in 1917. How has this 10-year gap become a commercial…
Oddsmaker Sees Opportunity in Future Mass Shootings
LAS VEGAS—Are you feeling lucky? They lay your money down and roll the dice. Mass shootings in America have reached the big time and citizens can finally cash in. In…
Drake Mounted on Front of Raptors Parade Bus
TORONTO—Sports fans in Toronto are expected to turn out in droves today as the city celebrates NBA champions, the Toronto Raptors. Players will ride through the city in open-air double-decker…
Canada Confuses Blue Bin and Garbage Day in Philippines
PHILIPPINES—Canada’s squeaky clean reputation is getting trashed overseas. Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte has demanded that Canada remove its trash from his country or face the threat of war. More than…