Child’s death spoils perfectly nice holiday

DAMXUNG COUNTY, TIBET—It was supposed to be the family vacation of a lifetime—seven days in Tibet. But for Hillary Wendt, the journey will be memorable for all the wrong reasons. Her only child William was tragically lost in an avalanche during a mountain climbing expedition.

“We planned this trip for many years,” she told reporters. “This was at the top of our bucket list. Who knew little Willie would actually kick the bucket?”

Holding his wife’s shoulders, the young boy’s father provided comfort as she fought to hold back tears.

“While we’re both in shock over this, I don’t think either of us is particularly surprised,” remarked Wilfrid Wendt. “It’s just like him to botch everything up for us, really.”

Mrs. Wendt nodded her head in solemn agreement, then wept openly.

“We got him the best nannies money could buy. They quit. We enrolled him in the best private schools in the country. He was expelled,” she cried. “His short life was really just a long, twisted string of failures. One profound disappointment after the next.”

The couple reports that it is too late to receive any reimbursement on the money they’ve spent, so they will press on and enjoy the three days that remain as best they can.

“Our hotel room is nice. The views are scenic. It’s just hard to really appreciate it all with the damper he’s put on things,” Mr. Wendt remarked.

A Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade spokesman expressed his regret and said that the young boy’s body would be flown home at state expense.

“What is a grieving mother in my shoes supposed say in these circumstances?” Mrs. Wendt told reporters. “He was my only child and this was our dream vacation. This has never happened to me before… I guess the only good thing is that it can never happen again.”

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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