CAMPBELL RIVER, B.C.—Sir John Franklin Secondary hosted the class of 2003 for a 10-year reunion this past Saturday. There was a repast of hors d’oeuvres and a cocktail hour in the auditorium, followed by dancing in the gymnasium. Former Campbell River resident and class clown, Ken Richards, told reporters he was excited to show his classmates that he’d finally gotten serious about a career.
“It took me six years after high school to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but now it feels like I’m on my way,” said Ken. “I know in my heart that I’m meant to be a professional clown.”
Despite Richards’ enthusiasm and baggy multi-coloured pants, his former classmates seemed skeptical.
“Oh, Ken,” chided bygone hot cheerleader Jocelyn Summer, “You were always making the funniest jokes! You ARE a clown!”
“Have you seen Richards?” asked Tom Bosco, elbowing his Franklin Falcons football co-captain Jim “Jimbo” Kwip. “That guy is hilarious! Says he went to clown college! That guy’ll do anything for a laugh.”
Richards bent over backwards, performed pratfalls and donned a big red nose in an effort to convince people that he was in fact a bona fide clown.
Doubled over with laughter, Jesse Cousins sputtered, “Oh my god! He’s as funny as ever! It reminds me of the time Ken snuck an air horn into assembly and Ms. Hunter was so startled she fell off the stage!”
By the end of the evening, most of the crowd was chanting Richards’ name and demanding more tricks and jokes. Richards continued in a vain attempt to make everyone believe he was a practising clown.
“Look at him! Look at him!” squealed divorced mother of four, Sharon Best. “He’s making a sad face while he’s clowning around! It’s so funny!”
The clean-up crew confirmed on Sunday that the party seemed to be a real barn-burner. “I’ve never seen so many empties!” said local Greg Astor, picking through the garbage cans. “These will be great for my kid’s bottle drive. Although I’m not sure who threw away a pair of men’s size 20 red shoes.”