TORONTO—For 11 years Timothy Holt has made a living between occasional stunt work for Hollywood movie studios and death-defying feats at public fairs and expos. While he wasn’t booked as a performer at this year’s Canadian National Exhibition, the lure of danger eventually proved too tempting.

“Most of it was kid’s stuff,” Holt told Mooseclean’s. “The Blitzer? Meh. The 1,100-foot zip line? I’ve fallen further. And yeah, I checked out the Mach 3. It looked about as dangerous as my morning shave. It wasn’t until I heard serious vomiting and saw people running for the porta-potties that I knew which part of The Ex I should really be braving.”

The longest lines and the most dangerous risks, Holt found, were for the food.

“I started out light with the sweet potato fries with Nutella,” Holt explained. “It was pretty gross, but nothing lethal. Then I went for the chili flake and bacon spice cream cone. That had a nice burn, but you know, there was no way I could pass up on the Cronut Burger. I saw that long line of amateurs ahead of me and thought: “No way are they showing me up.”

The Cronut Burger, a deep-fried doughnut-like croissant packed with beef and cheese and topped with maple bacon jam, was this year’s mostly highly anticipated gastronomical challenge.

“I had four and I kept them down for nearly 7 hours until the pain became unbearable,” Holt gasped.”That’s a record, my doctors say.”

We regret that St. Michael’s Hospital asked us to leave at this point in the interview. We will provide an update when the results of Mr. Holt’s exploratory surgery are known.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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