Don’t go chasing waterfails

Photo by Alan Light

NEW YORK—Tom Selleck was recently accused of stealing water in California.  And in a case of art imitating life, an upcoming Blue Bloods episode will feature a purported water thief.

“Normally, a New York-based cop drama wouldn’t cover misappropriation of water resources on a West Coast ranch,” said CBS executive Arnold Billingsly.  “However, Mr. Selleck was pretty insistent about this story line.”

After spending over 20 thousand dollars investigating Selleck, the Ventura County water district got hosed.  A tentative settlement has been made in light of evidence showing that the water was legally purchased.

“The drought in California is severe,” Selleck said in a statement.  “Obviously the average person has had to cut back significantly but, of course, I’m very rich and am therefore able to buy whatever I want, without the hassles of environmental awareness.”

Billingsly said the television episode, once again at Selleck’s insistence, will feature the Police Commissioner—Selleck’s character, Frank Reagan—investigating a young, handsome rancher for aquatic thievery.  The actors playing the water district employees will be cast as bumbling idiots.

“Mr. Selleck has also requested guest roles for John Hillerman, Roger E. Mosley and Larry Manetti,” said Billingsly, “as well as a dozen bikini-clad women and a Ferrari.”

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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