Imagine you had an employee that consistently misfiled papers. Instead of the right-hand cabinet, they used the left. Concerned, you placed prominent signs on each cabinet to specify “Papers here” and “No papers here,” but still, the employee dumps papers… Continue Reading
Beginning February 9, Walmart customers noticed a 5 cent per bag fee added to their “low, low prices” and many are not happy. “I am not happy,” Leona Jennings complained. “I depended on those free bags for packing my kids’ lunches,… Continue Reading
VERMONT—Keurig Green Mountain, the company that invented the “single serving delivery mechanism for an addictive substance”* will soon convey caffeine in a new form. Get ready to ask for coffee, tea or soda.
GERMANY—A group of auto engineers working for Volkswagen may be too smart for its own good. A device built in 2014 won them an innovation award from Ingenieur Beste Deutsche (IBD). However, U.S. and Canadian governments feel the breakthrough is more suited to legal action.
NEW YORK—Tom Selleck was recently accused of stealing water in California. And in a case of art imitating life, an upcoming Blue Bloods episode will feature a purported water thief.
LOCAL—An area man who recently lost his job has survived starvation by eating a variety of things picked from his backyard, neighbours report.
Nathan Moller, former Chef of recently-closed restaurant Poncey & Git’s, had been unable to secure new employment at a similar, highbrow establishment. Locals became concerned when they learned that his refrigerator, cupboards and freezer had been depleted of stores.
“When I didn’t see him come by for three weeks, I feared the worst,” said Hollis N. Davis, an area supermarket manager.
The Liberal Government of Ontario announced Wednesday that it is beginning a new campaign aimed at helping the environment. The campaign is aimed at raising awareness for the need of sustainable energy sources.
Beginning on June 10th, for one week, it will be “Green Week” in Ontario, with all citizens urged to wear as much green clothing as they can to help support the environment. The week will conclude with a parade down Yonge Street in Toronto to draw attention to the environment and celebrate the Liberal’s green energy policies.
Canada’s Minister of the Environment, The Honourable Leona Aglukkaq has declared all Canadian wildlife a threat to the environment.
“Beavers destroy thousands of trees a year,” Aglukkaq said. ”Cows and goats consume millions of tons of valuable grass and shrubs annually, and countless birds continue to fly into our precious wind turbines causing them damage. Clearly, something has to be done.”
Environment Canada, which was purchased by Monsanto in early 2014, believes that a new style of genetically engineered “super animals” will fit into nature much more efficiently than our current wildlife does.
When his 2007 Corolla failed to pass Ontario’s “new and improved” Drive Clean program, Thomas Callaghan was aghast.
“I just can’t believe it,” he told Mooseclean’s. “Two years ago the exhaust fumes for his car were negligible. Now it’s failing just because the on-board computer says there’s something wrong. News to me. The check engine light has been on for 3 years now and the mechanics can’t make it turn off because there’s nothing to fix.”
As a computer repair technician, Callaghan wondered if there was something he could do.
LOCAL—It was shortly before 11 a.m. on Sunday when the worst thing he imagined became reality.
“We were there to visit Grandpa, my dog and me, when I saw the funnel cloud touch down in the distance,” said Delbert McCorriston, “I looked for a place to run… and ran.”