Experts predict serious days ahead

Psychiatrists, humourologists and 1-900 psychics are predicting a deep recession in the amount of contrived lunacy, a recent study has found.

“This is a grim forecast indeed,” said Bartholomew Cornplaster, Esq., Chair and Table Lamp for the National Association for the Promotion of Farcical Arts, Research, Technologies and Sciences [acronym not used]. “It’s certainly nothing to laugh about.”

Dramatic idiocy, illogic and other forms of voluntary madness, which have long experienced a boom of annual growth, are now in danger of contracting back upon themselves in a dangerous free-fall of sensibility, stoicism, and bridled restraint. Multinational demand for lip twiddling has declined sharply and international trade in gibberish is critically low.

“Terrifying, when you consider it,” said Elvis ‘the Armpit’ Lipschitz, a noted sociologist and rural door-to-door street performer. “What will it do to small and medium enterprises like me who depend on marketing to mad-friendly consumers? Suspicious eyes peering out from door-cracks? Furrowed brows? Clenched purses and tightened wallets? It’s the end! Artists like myself will have to get straight jobs selling mutual funds and such. Can you imagine?”

Experts state that unless grassroots organizations undertake massive campaigns to increase global displays of amateur and professional lunacy—in desperate search of unrealized potential among the arguably “normal” masses—a worldwide drought of ha-has will decimate the population by early 2017, and could last as long as 2112.

“Crazy people laughing insanely at other crazy people: That’s the kind of world I want to live in,” said some guy, who skipped away clapping his hands rhythmically against his buttocks and making whooping noises, before he could provide us with his name for attribution in this article.

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

Leave a Reply