LOCAL–After repeated honking, obscene gestures, and yelling out his window failed to get your attention, a local man is speaking out to the press in a final, desperate attempt to get his message across.

“What colour is the sky in the world where you live? Scratch that. You drive like you’ve got your head wedged up your ass. There can’t be any light up there, unless you have some interesting social activities I’m not aware of.”

Prompted for specific infractions, the man continued.

“When you’re late it’s fucking obvious to anyone with the most casual glance in your direction. You tailgate, speed up to cut me off and pass me on double solid lines, then come to a complete stop at the intersection and signal for a left turn, leaving me fucking stranded behind you. And if I happen to pull next to you at the light, you refuse to look over at me. What the fuck? I know you know I’m there, asshole.”

In closing, the man admitted that he was fully aware that you probably wouldn’t read this, and even if you did, would never admit it, let alone change.

“But if you are reading this, it’s probably on your phone while you weave in and out of lanes without signalling. Fuck you for that, too.”

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. You can follow him on Twitter @SebPanache, except he quit posting there after Elon bought it. Search for Mooseclean's on Mastodon instead.

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