NORTH AMERICA—As North Americans face the difficulties of living through a global pandemic, a man formerly regarded as a paranoid shut-in is now being held up as an example. Live like Howard Hughes is a new campaign being embraced across Canada and the US.
“The man was onto something,” said epidemiologist Karyn Swift. “He washed his hands compulsively, stayed indoors, and self-isolated. Sure, it was weird at the time. But right now, we could all benefit by following the example of Hughes.”
Howard Hughes was a billionaire with personal interests in aviation and film. His fortune included investments and holdings in the oil industry, manufacturing, and real estate. Hughes also dated a bevy of Hollywood starlets and abused a wide range of pain killers.
“If we take what Hughes did well and apply to our own lives, we can make it through this unprecedented outbreak,” said Swift. “Let’s be innovative, wary of germs, and welcoming to alone time. But let us also be mindful of descending into madness.”
With each passing day, our population grows to resemble Howard Hughes. Already, people are overdue for haircuts and eschewing clothes as they work from home. We’re doing business over the phone and eating mostly chocolate bars as we sit in the dark and watch movies. Our consumption of paper products is out of control.
“Yes, Howard Hughes became an emaciated hermit who was injecting codeine by the end of his life,” confirmed historian Jeff Ledger. “But he also survived four plane crashes and made some great cinema!”
“The ultimate takeaway is that Hughes washed his hands and stayed home,” said Swift. “I think that’s the part authorities want us to remember.”