NASA—Astronomers have found seven Earth-sized planets that they hope will reveal life beyond our globe. Area inhabitants are not amused. “Oh, for Zasafron’s sake!” said TRAPPIST-1e alien Muhammad, choosing to use a name Earthlings would be able to comprehend. “Back… Continue Reading
Photo: The Integer Club, flickr LOCAL—On January 1, Glenn Dickson pledged that this would be the year he would take charge of his health: quit smoking, quit drinking, and lower his saturated fats. “I meant it, really,” Dickson says, lighting up… Continue Reading
With the snow all gone, there’s nothing left but the whites of their faces. (Image Credit: Donald Judge, flickr). In the age of global warming, the concept of a White Christmas is radically shifting, claims Angelina Drury, Assistant Professor at… Continue Reading
Photo: Moyia Misner-Pellow (CC BY 2.0) U.S.A.—After witnessing the love-in produced by the final concert of The Tragically Hip’s Man Machine Poem tour, the U.S. is looking for a band to create national unity.
Leaders not exactly as shown. For the first time since 2007, the so-called Three Amigos—the Canadian Prime Minister, the President of the United States of America, and the person in charge of Mexico—are back in Canada to make long speeches, shake the hands… Continue Reading
P.E.I.—Grade 11 student Jordan Wexler recently discovered a new song he thinks will be a big hit. “Have you heard Purple Rain by Adam Levine?” asked Wexler. “It’s totes amazing!”
Beginning February 9, Walmart customers noticed a 5 cent per bag fee added to their “low, low prices” and many are not happy. “I am not happy,” Leona Jennings complained. “I depended on those free bags for packing my kids’ lunches,… Continue Reading
Jeff Melanson, known by co-workers as “Big Grabby”, resigned this week from his position as president and CEO of the Toronto Symphony Orchestra. “I wasn’t really surprised by his decision,” said symphony member and flautist Armen Staben. “He seemed to be going… Continue Reading
Photo: Vladimir Pustovit (CC BY-2.0) The acquittal of media personality and hate-fucker Jian Ghomeshi on all counts of sexual assault and choking is being celebrated nationwide today.
Lee performs at his company’s Talent Day competition in an undated photo. Photo: Elvert Barnes (CC BY-SA-2.0) A local judge has dismissed a defamation lawsuit in which the plaintiff alleged that the defendant called him a “pussy” on numerous occasions.